Bereaved Employee: Returning to Work

After a death in the family, the time comes when grieving family members begin to re-enter the routines of everyday life. Out-of-town relatives return home. Children go back to school and grieving adults must get back to work. For some, returning to work is a welcome change. It is a part of their life that did not include their loved one, and it can create a break from what has been an ever-present grief. The office may be the only part of life that seems normal and routine.
But for many who have experienced a recent loss, returning to work can be difficult. If you are grieving, you may be dreading the thought of returning to the business world for several reasons:
Seeing co-workers for the first time exposes you to “I’m so sorry” comments, and they remind you of your loss. As difficult as these expressions of sympathy may be to hear, they are better than no acknowledgement at all. A simple “thank you” is all the response that is necessary. You do not owe anyone a story you do not wish to share.
You may have a high-pressure job with many deadlines and little room for mistakes. You have probably noticed that it is hard to concentrate and retain information in your grief. You may be easily distracted, and errors can occur. It is useful to check everything twice, or ask a co-worker or supervisor to review what you have done. Let your co-workers or supervisor know how difficult things seem at this time and where you need their help.
You may worry about breaking down in front of colleagues or in the middle of an important meeting. This can happen, but save yourself embarrassment by briefly letting people know what has occurred in your life. If you need to excuse yourself, do so.
Before returning to work, try some of the following suggestions:
- Be sure your office knows what happened. Give them as much information as you are comfortable sharing. Sometimes the circumstances around a death are very personal; if people ask too many questions, let them know you are not comfortable going into that right now. Allow one key person to have enough information to keep speculation at a minimum. Keep him or her informed about funeral arrangements, time away from work, and how you are doing.
- Let your office know you want to be included in regular e-mail correspondence so you can be kept updated on what is happening at the office.
- You might arrange to go into the office to meet co-workers for lunch, getting past the first encounters and “I’m so sorry” comments. It can make it easier to go back to work at a later date.
- Consider returning for half-days for a week or so, easing your way back into the normal routine.
- Ask a grief therapist — or ask your employer to arrange for one — to meet with co-workers, especially if the death was sudden or traumatic. An example: One employer called a grief therapist to help employees after a co-worker reported the death of her child. These co-workers had some good questions: “What do we do with the pictures of our kids that are on our desks? Should we put them away because it is going to be so hard on her?” The answer: “It will be hard for her to see the pictures. But she must deal with it at some time, and it is better she do it with people like you who care for her. It may be worse if you put all the pictures away. She’d surely notice, and know it is because of her. Expect her to keep the picture of her dead child on her desk, and it is okay to comment on it.”
- Encourage your co-workers to learn more about grief so they can better understand what you are going through. Let them know what is helpful to you when you are having a particular hard day: giving you a hug, allowing you to have some alone time, fixing a cup of coffee, or going for a short walk. The more they know what they can do for you, the more comfortable they will be with your tears-and the more comfortable you will be in their presence.
- Keep good communication going. Set up regular meetings with your supervisor, colleagues or employees to talk about what is happening. Ask for feedback. Good, clear communication will discourage idle and unhelpful chatter.
- It is important to tell your story. But be careful not to share your feelings too much or too often. If you notice people getting bored, looking at their watch, or changing the subject, you may be overdoing it. Ask a trusted co-worker if you are talking too much. However, the need to talk to help yourself heal is very real; setting up an appointment with your company’s EAP (Employee Assistance Professional), contacting your local hospice, or joining a support group can give you an appropriate place where you can say what you need to say.
- You may need help with certain projects or deadlines. Don’t forget to thank those who help you. Small rewards are often appreciated, such as coffee break snacks, flowers, public thanks at a meeting, or an appreciative e-mail.
Thinking ahead will make your return to work easier and less painful. Healing from the death of a loved one is a long, slow process, but getting back into a routine is an important step in the journey.
This article is reprinted with permission from the American Hospice Foundation.
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Support Groups for Grief
Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 11:26 pm
This is a support group for adults (18 yrs old+) who have experienced a loss due to suicide. This peer-facilitated group provides much needed help to those experiencing survivor grief. The group is led by two facilitators who are trained by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
CHADS Coalition for Mental Health
4121 Union Road #224
St. Louis, MO 63129
Contact Information:
Michelle Sellers
314-270-2917
Kellen Wolters 309-750-3116
Meeting Details
Meets: 1st and 3rd Wednesdays, 6:45 - 8:00 p.m.
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 3:22 am
Aiding Mothers and Fathers Experiencing Neonatal Death (AMEND)
Contact Information:
Maureen Connelly
314-487-7582
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 09-06-2019 7:00 pm
Bereaved Parents of the USA (BPUSA) is a national non-profit self-help group that offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved parents grandparents or siblings struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their children, grandchildren or siblings.
Bereaved Parents of the USA, St. Louis
P.O. Box 1115
St. Peters, MO 63376
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 3:59 am
Annie's Hope provides an array of services to address grief in young people. Services and activities for children, teens and adults (parents or guardians) include teen retreats, family social gatherings, resource library, referrals, Hope and Healing Gathering, camps, the Horizons Program and more.
The 8-Week Family Support Group is offered five times each year. Designed for children, teens and the adults in their lives, meet once a week for eight weeks. Each session is 90 minutes. No two sets of group sessions are identical. Each set is custom made to fit the struggles at hand in a way that works best for the families involved. Examples of weekly topics include Change, Grief Rituals, Feelings, Preservation of Memories.
Annie's Hope - The Bereavement Center for Kids
1333 West Lockwood #104
St. Louis, MO 63122
Contact Information:
Becky
314-965-5015
kidsgriefmatters@annieshope.org
Meeting Details
Call or visit web site for more information regarding enrollment.
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Last Modified On: 12-05-2018 8:23 pm
This 4-week support group is open to those over the age of 30 whose spouse/partner has died within the past year. Offers support, information about the grieving process, and coping strategies.Barnes-Jewish/St. Peters
#6 Jungerman Circle
St. Peters, MO 63376
Contact Information:
(636) 916-9733
Meeting Details
Call the Spiritual Care department for details.Suggest an Update for the Group
Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 11:34 pm
Weavings weekend retreat is offered at no cost to mothers who have experienced the death of their son or daughter.BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-953-1676
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:31 pm
St. Anthony's Memorial - Effingham
503 North Maple Street
Effingham, IL 62401
Contact Information:
217-347-1529
Meeting Details
Call for location, dates and times.
Suggest an Update for the Group
Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 6:04 pm
Chapel Hill Mortuary
6300 Highway 30
Cedar Hill, MO 63016
Contact Information:
636-274-4100
855-568-8228 Toll-Free
Meeting Details
Location: Northwest Jefferson County Library, 5680 Highway PP (at Highway 30) High Ridge, MO
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 7:46 pm
Mercy Hospital South
10010 Kennerly Rd
St. Louis, MO 63128
Contact Information:
314-543-6871
314-543-6873
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 8:15 pm
Portals is a grief support group open to anyone who has lost a spouse or partner.
BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-872-5050
griefsupport@bjc.org
Meeting Details
Meetings are held in St. Peters and University City, MO. Registration required. Call for more information and to register.
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 10:07 pm
This group is for newly widowed individuals. Widows and widowers up to two years are invited to discuss challenges common with losing a spouse.
SSM Hospice
12312 Olive Boulevard #400
St Louis, MO 63141
Contact Information:
Ann Suckel
314-625-4036
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 10:42 pm
Our Lady of The Snows Shrine
442 South De Mazenod Dr.
Belleville, IL 62223
Contact Information:
Fran Caldwell West
618-772-8391
618-632-3899
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 11:27 pm
Threshold is grief support group open to anyone, but most attendees are under the age of 65.
BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-872-5050
griefsupport@bjc.org
Meeting Details
Meetings are held on numerous Tuesdays throughout the year in University City, MO.
Please call for more information and to RSVP.
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 8:10 pm
Parents Affected by Loss of Child by Suicide (PALS)
Contact Information:
Linda Fehrmann
314-853-7925
Meeting Details
Location: Conference Room A, St. Luke’s Hospital, 232 South Woods Mill Road, Chesterfield, MO
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Last Modified On: 12-02-2018 6:36 pm
This support group, offered by the local chapter of POMC, offers support groups, information and advocacy. Support group is for anyone who has lost a loved one to violence. For directions, call St. Alexius at 314-865-3333. The organization's toll-free number is 888-818-7662.
National POMC
4960 Ridge Ave.
Cincinnati, OH 45209
Contact Information:
Mata Weber
618-972-0429
513-721-5683 (OH Headquarters)
natlpomc@pomc.org
Meeting Details
Location: St. Alexius Hospital, 3933 South Broadway, St. Louis, MO
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 10:48 pm
Call or visit website for information on suicide, education and support groups around the country.
American Association of Suicidology
5221 Wisconsin Ave., NW
Washington, DC 20015
Contact Information:
202-237-2280
800-273-8255 24/7 Suicide Prevention Hot
Meeting Details
Also call 1-800-SUICIDE for further assistance.
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Last Modified On: 10-21-2021 8:12 pm
Karla Smith Behavioral Health offers this support group for adults who are coping with a loved one's death by suicide.
Karla Smith Behavioral Health
200 North Lincoln
O'Fallon, IL 62269
Contact Information:
618-624-5771
Meeting Details
Meets: 2nd and 4th Thursdays of the month, 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.
Call or visit https://karlasmithbehavioralhealth.org/support-groups for more info.
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Last Modified On: 08-05-2020 9:19 pm
Life Crisis Services at Provident, Inc.
2650 Olive Street
St. Louis, MO 63103
Contact Information:
(314) 446-5158
sos@providentstl.org
Meeting Details
West St. Louis County
Meets: Wednesdays, 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.
Location: Prevent + Ed (formerly NCADA) Building, 9355 Olive Blvd., Olivette, MO 63132 (entrance is in the back of the building)
St. Charles County
Meets: 1st and 3rd Mondays, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.
Location: Baue Funeral Home, 608 Jefferson Street, St. Charles, MO 63301
Jefferson County
Meets: 1st and 3rd Thursdays, 7:00 - 8:30 p.m.
Location: St. Andrew's United Methodist Church, 1004 Rock Road, Desoto, MO 63020
Jefferson County for Teens
Meets: 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.
Location: St. Andrew's United Methodist Church, 1004 Rock Road, Desoto, MO 63020
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 7:10 pm
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
2040 Woodson Road #201
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
Meghan Carter
314-426-1595
877-623-3435
mo.state@madd.org
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 6:26 pm
Labyrinth - Growing Through Grief Bereavement is a one-day retreat at Camp Wyman, offered in the spring, focuses on helping teens ages 13-19 cope with loss. Call for more information.
BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-953-1676
griefsupport@bjc.org
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 10:42 pm
BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-953-1676
griefsupport@bjc.org
Meeting Details
Please call for more information.
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 4:42 am
BJC Hospice/St. Louis
1935 Beltway Dr
St. Louis, MO 63114
Contact Information:
314-953-1676
griefsupport@bjc.org
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:18 pm
As part of the services offered by Crossroads Hospice & Palliative Care, the Grief Recovery Method® Outreach Program teaches action choices to help people move beyond the pain caused by loss. This seven-to-twelve week bereavement support program creates a safe environment to look at old beliefs about dealing with loss, look at other losses that have affected your life, and to take new actions that lead to completion.
The program was created by Grief Recovery® Institute founders, John W. James and Russell Friedman. It is led by an individual who has been trained and certified by the Grief Recovery® Institute.
Because each session builds on the previous one, attendance and commitment are essential. There is no fee to participate in the program. A complimentary copy of the handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses, (released by Harper Collins in 1998), is provided to all participants.
If you have experienced a loss and wish to move beyond the pain, a bereavement support program offers you the probability of a richer and more rewarding life.
Groups are offered in numerous states; click here for a listing.
Crossroads Hospice & Palliative Care
15450 South Outer Forty Drive #100
Chesterfield, MO 63017
Contact Information:
(636) 735-2000
(855) 327-4677
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 10-25-2018 7:13 pm
This support group is for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Although the support groups are facilitated by a chaplain from DePaul Health Center, the group is not a program of or sponsored by the health center. No pre-registration is required. Open to public.Contact Information:
314-344-7080
314-344-6873
Meeting Details
Location: Bridgeton Trails Library 3455 McKelvey Road Bridgeton, MO
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:19 pm
This organization offers 4-week sessions, once every three months, in the afternoons. Writing Workshops are also offered. These groups are for anyone who has experienced a loss. Focus is on understanding the grief process through grief education and emotional support in a small group setting. Groups are open to the community at large.Heartland Hospice
12101 Woodcrest Executive Drive
St. Louis, MO 63141
Contact Information:
Bereavement Department
314-453-0990
hillary.finch@heartlandhospice.com
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:23 pm
This is a bereavement support group open to all.Mount Carmel Catholic Cemetery
10101 West Main
Belleville, IL 62223
Contact Information:
618-397-0181
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 12-05-2018 9:10 pm
Baue Funeral Home
608 Jefferson Street
St. Charles, MO 63301
Contact Information:
Kelly
636-328-0878
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:26 pm
This is a bereavement support group open to all.Southwest Illinois College PSOP
Contact Information:
618-234-4410, x7056
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:27 pm
GriefShare
P.O. Box 1739
Wake Forest, NC 27588
Contact Information:
800-395-5755
info@griefshare.org
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 12-20-2019 10:42 pm
Heartlinks Grief Center at Family Hospice
5110 West Main Street
Belleville, IL 62226
Contact Information:
Diana or Lisa
618-277-1800
info@myheartlinks.com
Meeting Details
Meets: 1st Monday, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. Call to register before attendance.
- Preschool children (Little Bear)
- Elementary school age children (Shooting Stars)
- Preteens (Rhapsody group)
- Teens (Brat Pack group)
- Adults (Caregiver and Parenting Alone group)
-
Aching Arms/Compassionate Friends (parents grieving the loss of a child of any age)
- Addiction Loss Group meets 2nd Tuesday, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. at Heartlinks; This group is for parents, adult siblings or other adults grieving the loss of someone due to addiction-related causes.
- Facing the Future Adult Group meets 3rd Monday, 10:00 - 11:30 a.m. at Programs and Services for Older Persons 201 North Church St., Belleville, IL
- TAG (Teens and Grief); this support group is offered in local schools.
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 6:04 pm
Chapel Hill Mortuary
6300 Highway 30
Cedar Hill, MO 63016
Contact Information:
636-274-4100
855-568-8228
Meeting Details
Location: Northwest Jefferson County Library, 5680 Highway PP (at Highway 30) High Ridge, MO
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 6:05 pm
Mercy Hospital Jefferson
Highway 61 South
Crystal City, MO 63019
Contact Information:
Laurie Wigger
636-933-5779
laura.wigger@mercy.net
Meeting Details
Location: Mercy Hospice (behind hospital), 5 Industrial Drive Festus, MO 63028
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Last Modified On: 12-02-2018 6:22 pm
This social support group of men and women welcomes all who mourn the loss of a spouse. Organized and sponsored by St. Louis Funeral and Cremation at Chapel Hill Mortuary. Call for more information.
Chapel Hill Mortuary
6300 Highway 30
Cedar Hill, MO 63016
Contact Information:
636-274-4100
855-568-8228
Meeting Details
Location: Pegg's on the Boulevard
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 6:55 pm
Mercy Grief Support Groups are free and open to the community.
Mercy Hospice-Saint Louis
1000 Des Peres Road
Saint Louis, MO 63131
Contact Information:
Mercy Hospice Bereavement
314-729-4419
Meeting Details
Location: Mercy Hospice
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 7:05 pm
Mercy Hospital St. Louis
615 South New Ballas Road
St. Louis, MO 63141
Contact Information:
Maggie Loyet
314-251-6878
Meeting Details
Location: Cafeteria Classroom
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 7:53 pm
Open to anyone at anytime following a loss. This group focuses on supporting one another.
Mercy Hospital South
10010 Kennerly Rd
St. Louis, MO 63128
Contact Information:
Pastoral Care
314-543-6874
314-543-6871
Meeting Details
2nd & 4th Wednesday, 1:00-2:30 p.m.
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Last Modified On: 12-02-2018 6:47 pm
Share addresses a wide range of issues relevant for parents, family members and significant friends who are affected by the death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or death of a newborn. Several types of support groups are offered: Grief Support Group, Loss of a Multiple Birth Support Meetings, and Subsequent Choices Support Meeting. Share is open and free to the public.
National Share Office
402 Jackson Street
St. Charles, MO 63301
Contact Information:
636-947-6164
800-821-6819
info@nationalshare.org
Meeting Details
Call or visit web site for more information. Meetings held throughout MO and IL.
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Last Modified On: 12-02-2018 6:55 pm
SIDS Resources, Inc.
1120 South 6th Street
St. Louis, MO 63104
Contact Information:
Lori Behrens
314-241-SIDS (7437)
lbehrens@sidsresources.org
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 12-02-2018 7:00 pm
This group is sponsored by the Demetrious Johnson Charitable Foundation and the St. Louis North City/County Resilience Coalition.
Demetrious Johnson Foundation
Contact Information:
Ellen Kratz
314-615-9105 x104
Meeting Details
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Last Modified On: 03-11-2020 4:32 pm
This group is a local chapter of a national organization for women of any age whose spouse has died. Modern Widows Club is focused on growing friendships and connections between widows of all ages through regular meetings, community education, service and outreach. Social events are planned from time to time.Meeting Details
Meets: 2nd Sunday of month, 2:30 - 4:30pmLocation: Send an email to the group leaders, Cyndi and Destiny, for more details
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Last Modified On: 11-29-2018 5:13 pm
This support group is for anyone grieving the loss of a loved who has died by any type of substance (alcohol, heroin, cocaine, etc.). The website listed is for the national organization where visitors can search for local support groups around the country. The contact information listed is for the St. Louis area organizer.Pre-registration is required for new attendees. Contact local organizer to register.
GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing)
40569 Calle Balderas
Indio, CA 92203
Contact Information:
Mary Ann Lemonds
(314) 330-7586
grasp.stl@gmail.com
Meeting Details
Meets: Sundays, 5:00 - 6:00 pmLocation: Speak with organizer regarding location.
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Last Modified On: 11-09-2018 12:08 am
This spiritual-based support group is for anyone whose loved one (family or friend) has died due to drug use, alcohol use or suicide.Contact Information:
Jack Wilcox
(618) 407-9879
justkeepwalkin37@gmail.com
Meeting Details
Meets: Thursdays, 6:30 p.m.Location: Cafeteria B, Alton Memorial Hospital, #1 Memorial Drive, Alton IL